NARRATOR:
Cosmo took a big bite of his dog in a bun.
To watch the fish swimming was certainly fun.
(A lobster swims by the porthole, clutching a pair of pink cat eye glasses.)
But before too much longer he heard the hound say:
HOUND:
We’ve arrived at the island! Please have a great day!
COSMO:
Thanks for the ride!
NARRATOR:
Cosmo said to the hound
And in no time at all he was on solid ground.
(It has stopped raining, and there is a rainbow in the sky.)
As he finished his hot dog, the look on his face
Made it clear he had come to a magical place.
He had gone just a little way when he took note
Of a towering castle enclosed by a moat.
The drawbridge was lowered, and beckoning wide.
Cosmo walked straight across it and ventured inside.
As he passed the Great Hall, Cosmo heard a soft moan
That sounded as if it had come from the throne.
He came closer, and who did he see sitting there
But the King, in a quivering fit of despair.
KING:
Oh woe and alas and alack and forsooth!
My daughter struck down in the prime of her youth!
NARRATOR:
Then he broke down in sobbing, both soggy and strong.
Cosmo couldn’t just stand there.
COSMO:
Your Highness, what’s wrong?
KING:
The wizard! That fool! If you claim to work magic,
Be competent! Or the results can be tragic!
The princess, my daughter, much to my dismay,
Asked a question of my lamebrained wizard one day.
(We now dissolve to a flashback, which the King narrates.)
In her mirror she’d noticed, upon close inspection,
A wart on her ear, which impaired her complexion.
PRINCESS:
Oh wizard, you know magic spells of all sorts.
Do you think you can vanish my problem with warts?
WIZARD:
I suppose I could do such a thing…Very well!
Yes, I’m certain that I recollect the right spell…
Transmutae ranatum!
KING:
At once, she exhibited
Froggy-like symptoms: She turned green! She ribbited!
(The King now enters the flashback.)
What did you do such a foolish thing for?
WIZARD:
Her wart problem!
KING:
She wanted fewer, not more!
Change her back, or we’ll have to hold court in a pond!
WIZARD:
I’ve forgotten the spell! But no problem! My wand…
KING (narrating):
And that fool couldn’t find it! His old wand had vanished.
(Now the King speaks within the flashback.)
Avaunt! You’re a magical mess! You are banished!
(The flashback ends.)
And that’s how it happened. I’m left with a daughter
Who occupies far too much time in the water.
With all the fine traits one expects in a Highness,
You can’t have a princess that’s lacking in dryness.
I’ve tried to accept it, tried not to feel down.
I even have made her a tiny new crown.
NARRATOR:
And there it was!
COSMO:
The Perfect Hat!
NARRATOR:
Oh, Cosmo had no doubt of that.
If you’re a king, one of the signs
Will be a pointy hat that shines.
The King sobbed again. Cosmo comforted him.
COSMO:
Sire, I can’t help but notice your story sounds Grimm…
Like a tale I heard once. I’ve remembered it since.
Things might be resolved with a kiss from a prince.
NARRATOR:
The King stared at Cosmo with awe in his eye.
KING:
Your Majesty!
COSMO:
Hold on, you’ve got the wrong guy!
NARRATOR:
But the King pulled him bodily down the Great Hall,
And stopped at a portrait that hung on the wall.
KING (gesturing to the portrait):
We’ve been family friends as the centuries spanned!
NARRATOR:
The old portrait was Carl, King of all Kimballand!
The likeness was strong, Cosmo had to admit.
Could he have royal blood, and not know about it?
COSMO:
Sure, I’ll give it a shot! What have I got to lose?
It would be in bad form for a Prince to refuse.
So where is the Princess?
KING:
Her Majesty spends
All her time at the pool, swimming there with her friends.
(We see dozens of frogs by the royal pool.)
NARRATOR:
Cosmo wanted to change his mind once he had seen
That the princess’s friends were all slimy and green.
COSMO:
Which one is she, Sire? Is there something I’m missing?
KING:
I can’t tell, myself! You had better start kissing!
(The King exits.)
COSMO (to himself):
I’m not even sure this solution will work!
But getting that crown sure would be a nice perk…
NARRATOR:
He gently sat down by the side of the pool
And quickly turned into a frog-kissing fool.
Upon every subject a kiss was soon planted,
But frog after frog, none became unenchanted.
(There is just one frog left.)
COSMO:
I’ve kissed all these frogs, but it all will make sense,
If you are a princess…and I am a prince.
Let’s see.
NARRATOR:
Then he gave her a kiss, light and quick.
And abracadabra, that undid the trick!
KING (entering):
Huzzah and Hurrah and Hooray and three cheers!
My daughter’s returned!
PRINCESS:
And with new wart-free ears!
KING:
But please do forgive all these tears I am shedding.
I must save a few for the big Royal Wedding!
COSMO:
Now wait just a minute! A wedding? To me?
The truth is, tonight I’ve got somewhere to be.
And I’m not sure I’m ready…I’m still just a kid!
KING:
Will you take some reward for the grand thing you did?
NARRATOR:
What he wanted was costly, so Cosmo kneeled down.
COSMO:
If you please, would you give me that little frog crown?
KING:
You must ask the Princess. It isn’t mine, is it?
PRINCESS:
It’s yours, if you promise to come back to visit!
NARRATOR:
He staggered and stammered and turned red with shyness.
COSMO:
Uh…yeah! I mean, awesome! I mean: Yes, your Highness!
NARRATOR:
So Cosmo went home with the headgear in tow.
Gus at last had a hat for this evening's big show!
(Cut to end of Ted Todman’s Talent Time.)
TED TODMAN:
Before Ted Todman’s Talent Time comes to an end,
Here’s one final act: Cosmo Kimball and Friend!
(We see the curtain rise, and Cosmo’s puppet Gus appears. Unlike the rest of the animated story, the puppet is live video composited against a cartoon background. The puppet is wearing the crown, and he sings a short, funny song about being a King. Lots of applause afterwards.)
TED TODMAN:
Wow, Cosmo Kimball! That really was great!
You brought up the rear, but were well worth the wait.
Tell me, how did you think of this wonderful act?
NARRATOR:
Then Cosmo described his strange day, fact by fact:
The bull, and the crows, and the submarine dog,
And his royal ancestor...and kissing a frog.
TED TODMAN:
That’s quite an adventure that happened to you!
But you took what life gave you and made something new.
Our Applause-O-Tron says you’re the Audience Favorite!
Congratulations! I hope that you’ll savor it.
You’re on your way, Cosmo!
PUPPET (Cosmo pops him up into frame):
How about that!
And to think it all came from my one perfect hat!
Copyright © 2020