Cosmo took a big bite of his dog in a bun.
To watch the fish swimming was certainly fun.
(A lobster swims by the porthole, clutching a pair of pink cat eye glasses.)
But before too much longer he heard the hound say:
We’ve arrived at the island! Please have a great day!
Thanks for the ride!
Cosmo said to the hound
And in no time at all he was on solid ground.
(It has stopped raining, and there is a rainbow in the sky.)
As he finished his hot dog, the look on his face
Made it clear he had come to a magical place.
He had gone just a little way when he took note
Of a towering castle enclosed by a moat.
The drawbridge was lowered, and beckoning wide.
Cosmo walked straight across it and ventured inside.
As he passed the Great Hall, Cosmo heard a soft moan
That sounded as if it had come from the throne.
He came closer, and who did he see sitting there
But the King, in a quivering fit of despair.
Oh woe and alas and alack and forsooth!
My daughter struck down in the prime of her youth!
Then he broke down in sobbing, both soggy and strong.
Cosmo couldn’t just stand there.
Your Highness, what’s wrong?
The wizard! That fool! If you claim to work magic,
Be competent! Or the results can be tragic!
The princess, my daughter, much to my dismay,
Asked a question of my lamebrained wizard one day.
(We now dissolve to a flashback, which the King narrates.)
In her mirror she’d noticed, upon close inspection,
A wart on her ear, which impaired her complexion.
Oh wizard, you know magic spells of all sorts.
Do you think you can vanish my problem with warts?
I suppose I could do such a thing…Very well!
Yes, I’m certain that I recollect the right spell…
At once, she exhibited
Froggy-like symptoms: She turned green! She ribbited!
(The King now enters the flashback.)
What did you do such a foolish thing for?
Her wart problem!
She wanted fewer, not more!
Change her back, or we’ll have to hold court in a pond!
I’ve forgotten the spell! But no problem! My wand…
And that fool couldn’t find it! His old wand had vanished.
(Now the King speaks within the flashback.)
Avaunt! You’re a magical mess! You are banished!
(The flashback ends.)
And that’s how it happened. I’m left with a daughter
Who occupies far too much time in the water.
With all the fine traits one expects in a Highness,
You can’t have a princess that’s lacking in dryness.
I’ve tried to accept it, tried not to feel down.
I even have made her a tiny new crown.
And there it was!
The Perfect Hat!
Oh, Cosmo had no doubt of that.
If you’re a king, one of the signs
Will be a pointy hat that shines.
The King sobbed again. Cosmo comforted him.
Sire, I can’t help but notice your story sounds Grimm…
Like a tale I heard once. I’ve remembered it since.
Things might be resolved with a kiss from a prince.
The King stared at Cosmo with awe in his eye.
Hold on, you’ve got the wrong guy!
But the King pulled him bodily down the Great Hall,
And stopped at a portrait that hung on the wall.
KING (gesturing to the portrait):
We’ve been family friends as the centuries spanned!
The old portrait was Carl, King of all Kimballand!
The likeness was strong, Cosmo had to admit.
Could he have royal blood, and not know about it?
Sure, I’ll give it a shot! What have I got to lose?
It would be in bad form for a Prince to refuse.
So where is the Princess?
Her Majesty spends
All her time at the pool, swimming there with her friends.
(We see dozens of frogs by the royal pool.)
Cosmo wanted to change his mind once he had seen
That the princess’s friends were all slimy and green.
Which one is she, Sire? Is there something I’m missing?
I can’t tell, myself! You had better start kissing!
(The King exits.)
COSMO (to himself):
I’m not even sure this solution will work!
But getting that crown sure would be a nice perk…
He gently sat down by the side of the pool
And quickly turned into a frog-kissing fool.
Upon every subject a kiss was soon planted,
But frog after frog, none became unenchanted.
(There is just one frog left.)
I’ve kissed all these frogs, but it all will make sense,
If you are a princess…and I am a prince.
Then he gave her a kiss, light and quick.
And abracadabra, that undid the trick!
Huzzah and Hurrah and Hooray and three cheers!
My daughter’s returned!
And with new wart-free ears!
But please do forgive all these tears I am shedding.
I must save a few for the big Royal Wedding!
Now wait just a minute! A wedding? To me?
The truth is, tonight I’ve got somewhere to be.
And I’m not sure I’m ready…I’m still just a kid!
Will you take some reward for the grand thing you did?
What he wanted was costly, so Cosmo kneeled down.
If you please, would you give me that little frog crown?
You must ask the Princess. It isn’t mine, is it?
It’s yours, if you promise to come back to visit!
He staggered and stammered and turned red with shyness.
Uh…yeah! I mean, awesome! I mean: Yes, your Highness!
So Cosmo went home with the headgear in tow.
Gus at last had a hat for this evening's big show!
(Cut to end of Ted Todman’s Talent Time.)
Before Ted Todman’s Talent Time comes to an end,
Here’s one final act: Cosmo Kimball and Friend!
(We see the curtain rise, and Cosmo’s puppet Gus appears. Unlike the rest of the animated story, the puppet is live video composited against a cartoon background. The puppet is wearing the crown, and he sings a short, funny song about being a King. Lots of applause afterwards.)
Wow, Cosmo Kimball! That really was great!
You brought up the rear, but were well worth the wait.
Tell me, how did you think of this wonderful act?
Then Cosmo described his strange day, fact by fact:
The bull, and the crows, and the submarine dog,
And his royal ancestor...and kissing a frog.
That’s quite an adventure that happened to you!
But you took what life gave you and made something new.
Our Applause-O-Tron says you’re the Audience Favorite!
Congratulations! I hope that you’ll savor it.
You’re on your way, Cosmo!
PUPPET (Cosmo pops him up into frame):
How about that!
And to think it all came from my one perfect hat!
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