NARRATOR:

 

                    Cosmo took a big bite of his dog in a bun.

                    To watch the fish swimming was certainly fun.

 

(A lobster swims by the porthole, clutching a pair of pink cat eye glasses.)

 

                    But before too much longer he heard the hound say:

 

HOUND:

 

                    We’ve arrived at the island! Please have a great day!

 

COSMO:

 

                    Thanks for the ride!

 

NARRATOR:

 

                                                        Cosmo said to the hound

                    And in no time at all he was on solid ground.

 

(It has stopped raining, and there is a rainbow in the sky.)

 

                    As he finished his hot dog, the look on his face

                    Made it clear he had come to a magical place.

                    He had gone just a little way when he took note

                    Of a towering castle enclosed by a moat.

                    The drawbridge was lowered, and beckoning wide.

                    Cosmo walked straight across it and ventured inside.

 

                    As he passed the Great Hall, Cosmo heard a soft moan

                    That sounded as if it had come from the throne.

                    He came closer, and who did he see sitting there

                    But the King, in a quivering fit of despair.

 

KING:

 

                    Oh woe and alas and alack and forsooth!

                    My daughter struck down in the prime of her youth!

 

NARRATOR:

 

                    Then he broke down in sobbing, both soggy and strong.

                    Cosmo couldn’t just stand there.

 

COSMO:

 

                                                                            Your Highness, what’s wrong?

 

KING:

 

                    The wizard! That fool! If you claim to work magic,

                    Be competent! Or the results can be tragic!

                    The princess, my daughter, much to my dismay,

                    Asked a question of my lamebrained wizard one day.

 

(We now dissolve to a flashback, which the King narrates.)

 

                    In her mirror she’d noticed, upon close inspection,

                    A wart on her ear, which impaired her complexion.

 

PRINCESS:

 

                    Oh wizard, you know magic spells of all sorts.

                    Do you think you can vanish my problem with warts?

 

WIZARD:

 

                    I suppose I could do such a thing…Very well!

                    Yes, I’m certain that I recollect the right spell…

                    Transmutae ranatum!

 

KING:

 

                                                            At once, she exhibited

                    Froggy-like symptoms: She turned green! She ribbited!

 

(The King now enters the flashback.)

 

                    What did you do such a foolish thing for?

 

WIZARD:

 

                    Her wart problem!

 

KING:

 

                                                    She wanted fewer, not more!

                    Change her back, or we’ll have to hold court in a pond!

 

WIZARD:

 

                    I’ve forgotten the spell! But no problem! My wand…

 

KING (narrating):

 

                    And that fool couldn’t find it! His old wand had vanished.

 

(Now the King speaks within the flashback.)

 

                    Avaunt! You’re a magical mess! You are banished!

 

(The flashback ends.)

 

                    And that’s how it happened. I’m left with a daughter

                    Who occupies far too much time in the water.

                    With all the fine traits one expects in a Highness,

                    You can’t have a princess that’s lacking in dryness.

 

                    I’ve tried to accept it, tried not to feel down.

                    I even have made her a tiny new crown.

 

NARRATOR:

 

                    And there it was!

 

COSMO:

 

                                                    The Perfect Hat!

 

NARRATOR:

 

                    Oh, Cosmo had no doubt of that.

                    If you’re a king, one of the signs

                    Will be a pointy hat that shines.

 

                    The King sobbed again. Cosmo comforted him.

 

COSMO:

 

                    Sire, I can’t help but notice your story sounds Grimm…

                    Like a tale I heard once. I’ve remembered it since.

                    Things might be resolved with a kiss from a prince.

 

NARRATOR:

 

                    The King stared at Cosmo with awe in his eye.

 

KING:

 

                    Your Majesty!

 

COSMO:

 

                                                Hold on, you’ve got the wrong guy!

 

NARRATOR:

 

                    But the King pulled him bodily down the Great Hall,

                    And stopped at a portrait that hung on the wall.

 

KING (gesturing to the portrait):

 

                    We’ve been family friends as the centuries spanned!

 

NARRATOR:

 

                    The old portrait was Carl, King of all Kimballand!

                    The likeness was strong, Cosmo had to admit.

                    Could he have royal blood, and not know about it?

 

COSMO:

 

                    Sure, I’ll give it a shot! What have I got to lose?

                    It would be in bad form for a Prince to refuse.

                    So where is the Princess?

 

KING:

 

                                                                    Her Majesty spends

                    All her time at the pool, swimming there with her friends.

 

(We see dozens of frogs by the royal pool.)

 

NARRATOR:

 

                    Cosmo wanted to change his mind once he had seen

                    That the princess’s friends were all slimy and green.

 

COSMO:

 

                    Which one is she, Sire? Is there something I’m missing?

 

KING:

 

                    I can’t tell, myself! You had better start kissing!

 

(The King exits.)

 

 

COSMO (to himself):

 

                    I’m not even sure this solution will work!

                    But getting that crown sure would be a nice perk…

 

NARRATOR:

 

                    He gently sat down by the side of the pool

                    And quickly turned into a frog-kissing fool.

 

                    Upon every subject a kiss was soon planted,

                    But frog after frog, none became unenchanted.

 

(There is just one frog left.)

 

COSMO:

 

                    I’ve kissed all these frogs, but it all will make sense,

                    If you are a princess…and I am a prince.

                    Let’s see.

 

NARRATOR:

 

                                        Then he gave her a kiss, light and quick.

                    And abracadabra, that undid the trick!

 

KING (entering):

 

                    Huzzah and Hurrah and Hooray and three cheers!

                    My daughter’s returned!

 

PRINCESS:

 

                                                                And with new wart-free ears!

 

KING:

 

                    But please do forgive all these tears I am shedding.

                    I must save a few for the big Royal Wedding!

 

COSMO:

 

                    Now wait just a minute! A wedding? To me?

                    The truth is, tonight I’ve got somewhere to be.

                    And I’m not sure I’m ready…I’m still just a kid!

 

KING:

 

                    Will you take some reward for the grand thing you did?

 

NARRATOR:

 

                    What he wanted was costly, so Cosmo kneeled down.

 

COSMO:

 

                    If you please, would you give me that little frog crown?

 

KING:

 

                    You must ask the Princess. It isn’t mine, is it?

 

PRINCESS:

 

                    It’s yours, if you promise to come back to visit!

 

NARRATOR:

 

                    He staggered and stammered and turned red with shyness.

 

COSMO:

 

                    Uh…yeah! I mean, awesome! I mean: Yes, your Highness!

 

NARRATOR:

 

                    So Cosmo went home with the headgear in tow.

                    Gus at last had a hat for this evening's big show!

 

(Cut to end of Ted Todman’s Talent Time.)

 

TED TODMAN:

 

                    Before Ted Todman’s Talent Time comes to an end,

                    Here’s one final act: Cosmo Kimball and Friend!

 

(We see the curtain rise, and Cosmo’s puppet Gus appears. Unlike the rest of the animated story, the puppet is live video composited against a cartoon background. The puppet is wearing the crown, and he sings a short, funny song about being a King. Lots of applause afterwards.)

 

TED TODMAN:

 

                    Wow, Cosmo Kimball! That really was great!

                    You brought up the rear, but were well worth the wait.

                    Tell me, how did you think of this wonderful act?

 

NARRATOR:

 

                    Then Cosmo described his strange day, fact by fact:

                    The bull, and the crows, and the submarine dog,

                    And his royal ancestor...and kissing a frog.

 

TED TODMAN:

 

                    That’s quite an adventure that happened to you!

                    But you took what life gave you and made something new.

                    Our Applause-O-Tron says you’re the Audience Favorite!

                    Congratulations! I hope that you’ll savor it.

                    You’re on your way, Cosmo!

 

PUPPET (Cosmo pops him up into frame):

 

                                                                    How about that!

                    And to think it all came from my one perfect hat!

 

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