JACKRABBIT:
The tomato’s my favorite vegetable too!
I knew there was something I liked about you.
COSMO:
Thanks for the sample, and have a good day!
If I meet hungry rabbits, I’ll send them your way!
NARRATOR:
Cosmo wandered away from the vegetable stand
To the neighboring village, tomato in hand.
A voice broke the air:
CHEF:
Floyd! I sent you to fetch
That tomato an hour ago! Lazy wretch!
(We see a large, intimidating woman dressed in a white chef outfit. She wears a distinctive pair of pink cat-eye glasses.)
NARRATOR:
It came from a woman of towering form;
As large as an iceberg, but not quite as warm.
She barked out a thundering
CHEF:
Get over here!
NARRATOR:
And grabbed our protagonist hard by the ear.
COSMO:
I’m —
CHEF:
Silence! Or I’ll lose my temper!
NARRATOR:
she rumbled,
And led by the ear, Cosmo helplessly stumbled.
(In the background, we see a horse trot by.)
They traveled this way for a minute, no more,
Then entered a restaurant by the back door.
CHEF:
It’s our big day, and you disappear, you great pest.
Now, where is your uniform? Floyd, go get dressed!
NARRATOR:
Cosmo wanted to speak, but she seemed so annoyed,
At least for the time being, he’d try being Floyd.
So he went in the dressing room. Inside Floyd’s locker
He found a white uniform; that was no shocker...
But there it was!
COSMO:
The Perfect Hat!
NARRATOR:
Oh, Cosmo had no doubt of that.
If you’re a culinary bloke
You’ll wear the hat that’s called a “toque”.
Cosmo put on the hat, and the uniform too,
And tracked down the nice lady to ask what to do.
She was chopping a turnip with such controlled violence
That Floyd obeyed even before she hissed
CHEF:
Silence!
NARRATOR:
She gave him a look that said clearly “Don’t linger...”
Then showed him his task with two points of her finger.
(Cut to a lobster tank with a lone lobster inside.)
Point One was a tank, with a lobster in water.
(Cut to a large pot of boiling water on the stove.)
Point Two was a large pot of water, much hotter.
When Cosmo caught on, his morale quickly sank,
But he shuffled despondently up to the tank.
He looked at the lobster, the lobster at him.
The mood in between was decidedly grim.
With one quick, soggy motion, the lobster was caught.
Then Cosmo walked gloomily up to the pot.
But the lobster, it seems, didn’t like what he saw
And he let Cosmo know with one clamp of his claw.
(The lobster clamps a claw onto Cosmo’s nose. In Cosmo’s flailing response, his hat falls off into the pot, and the lid falls onto the pot. In the background we see that the head chef is distracted, perhaps with a noisy food processor, and isn’t aware of what’s happening with Cosmo and the lobster.)
Through the din of the kitchen, a pinched scream arose.
This was not a good day. First the ear, now the nose!
In a blind, frantic whirl, Cosmo staggered outside
With his lobster friend coming along for the ride.
(Cosmo staggers out the back door and over to a nearby footbridge.)
Cosmo lurched to a bridge with a small stream below,
And at that precise moment the lobster let go.
It dropped in the stream and then swam out to sea,
A much healthier place for a lobster to be.
Since his nose was still there, Cosmo felt overjoyed,
But his mood didn’t last. All it took was one
CHEF:
Floyd!
(The head chef is standing in the back doorway of the restaurant kitchen.)
Out loafing again? You’re an utter disgrace.
The man from the magazine’s here! To your place!
(Cosmo goes back into the kitchen.)
NARRATOR:
The kitchen was empty. The whole kitchen staff
Was out on the floor, on the critic’s behalf.
(We see the staff lined up in the restaurant, flanking a table where a restaurant critic is seated, wearing a lobster bib.)
Cosmo hurriedly filled in a hole in the line
While the critic, in bib, sat awaiting to dine.
Right away they produced the large pot, all agleam.
The lid was removed, blasting billows of steam.
The chef managed a grin (though the steam was quite hot)
As she picked up the tongs and reached into the pot.
Cosmo’s eyes were like saucers. His shoulders were tense.
He nearly passed out from the dreadful suspense.
But what happened next seemed like a terrible joke.
From the great clouds of steam, the chef pulled out Floyd’s toque!
The boiling hot water had made the hat shrink.
The restaurant critic knew not what to think.
But the chef had an inkling of what had transpired
With Floyd standing hatless, in terror.
CHEF:
You’re fired!
NARRATOR:
She flung the hot hat, which Floyd caught and held fast.
Then he ran off to change back to Cosmo, at last.
And so Cosmo went home with the headgear in tow.
Gus at last had a hat for this evening’s big show!
(Cut to end of Ted Todman’s Talent Time.)
TED TODMAN:
Before Ted Todman’s Talent Time comes to an end,
Here’s one final act: Cosmo Kimball and Friend!
(We see the curtain rise, and Cosmo’s puppet Gus appears. Unlike the rest of the animated story, the puppet is live video composited against a cartoon background. The puppet is wearing the chef’s hat, and he sings a short, funny song about being a chef. Lots of applause afterwards.)
TED TODMAN:
Wow, Cosmo Kimball! That really was great!
You brought up the rear, but were well worth the wait.
Tell me, how did you think of this wonderful act?
NARRATOR:
Then Cosmo described his strange day, fact by fact:
The bus, the parade, and the chicken that rose,
The mountain, the skiing, the claw, and the nose.
TED TODMAN:
That’s quite an adventure that happened to you!
But you took what life gave you and made something new.
Our Applause-O-Tron says you’re the Audience Favorite!
Congratulations! I hope that you’ll savor it.
You’re on your way, Cosmo!
PUPPET (Cosmo pops him up into frame):
How about that!
And to think it all came from my one perfect hat!
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